Wannabes are a greatly misunderstood group in society. Like any tribe, they have their own set of rituals that they must conform to in order to bolster their sense of identity and belonging. However, often their rituals and beliefs are sadly misguided and make them the laughing stock of society at large.
Listed below are 7 common strongly held beliefs by wannabes in general, hoping that upon seeing their obvious coolness, someone somewhere will give a damn.
Belief #1: “An apple device makes me cool”
Showing off your Apple product in public is one of the hallmarks of the wannabe. These are the people we see walking in public talking into their iphones or sporting their ipods on their belts, with the characteristic white earphones hanging around their necks.
They are also the people you see using Mac books in public places like coffee houses in the sad assumption that a glorified white laptop will make them look like a creative genius.
Belief #2: “Chicks dig Hair Gel”
The wannabe will sooner die than be seen in public without his slick shiny spikes of hair. Whether it’s a party, a day at work, a Sunday dinner with the family or a funeral, your hair must always be religiously gelled/moussed.
An interesting side effect is that these are the same men who typically end up bald in their mid 30’s.
Belief #3: “Fitted clothes are IN”
Regardless of your body type, if it ain’t fitted, it ain’t cool. Jeans/trousers must be tight enough to risk tearing when sitting down. If wearing a shirt, always ensure the top button is left open in order to induce maximum repulsiveness.
Belief #4: “Real men drive with shades”
No matter what car you drive, hell, even if it’s a bike, you must wear your shades when out during the day. Rainy and cloudy days inclusive.
Belief #5: “An accent makes me awesome”
Even if you just moved in from your village yesterday, you must at all times fake a foreign accent, regardless of the situation. Even if your fluency in English is questionable at best. For added wannabe-ism, always pepper your conversation with a few choice words of English, no matter what language you’re talking in.
Belief #6: “aLwAYz tYpE Ur Msgs lyK diS.”
Even if you have a master’s degree in linguistics, nothing broadcasts your coolness like typing like a retarded 4-year old.
Belief #7: “Tilt that head when the cameras flash”
Nothing says “I’m cool” like tilting your head to one side with a blank expression of boredom every time your picture is taken. Not only does it make you look cool, it also makes you look like an idiot with a neck cramp whose IQ wallows way below the three digit mark.
